Showing posts from July, 2014

end of the month epiphany

I was at the mall killing time and waiting for this guy to send a reply to my text message. I was asking him if I already should go to the motel and get us a room. We’ve hooked up before and he has become a regular. In fact, I’m this close to falling in love with him and yes I have decided to tell him what I feel that same afternoon.
So there I was walking around the mall waiting and waiting and fearing that he might have fallen asleep or have forgotten about our meet-up. I was anxious and generally I felt shitty. As I walked around, I thought to myself: Is this really the life that I wanted? When I was young and so hopeful about gay love and relationships, did I ever see myself in a mall, anxious for someone and about to book a room in a motel? Although I think both of us are quite decent and there’s actual affection between the two of us, something about the whole set-up felt sleazy. And yes, it’s definitely not the life that I had envisioned for myself but it’s the life that I had …

the president's speech

At exactly three in the morning, his alarm clock started shrieking. He quickly bolted out of the bed thinking it was something else but when he realized it was just the damn clock, he let himself fall into the sheets again. But the clock continued screaming, as if it has just realized it was alive and was petrified of its own existence. He tried to roll towards it but he found that he couldn’t. His bulging mid-section, not to mention his increasingly brittle bones, was preventing him to do so. He had no choice but to sit up and walk to the other side of his empty king size bed. He wanted to put the clock out of its misery.
Even as a kid, he hated waking early in the morning. He remembered once going full-throttle on his Kapampangan nanny after she yanked him off the bed. He was always a brat, and still is, and he knew that. He always had it his way until, well, until his sister came along. That made things interesting in their household. His sister, though a few years younger, is a wo…

I'm still alive aren’t I?

I woke up with a terrible toothache. It all started from there. From this rotting tooth, which has been bugging me on and off for several months now. Of course I couldn’t help but think of Raskolnikov. I wasn’t only psychologically and emotionally in pain, I was, damn it, also disintegrating physically. This has been my thinking ever since the year kicked in: My life as I know it is over. Over!
And so I woke up with this toothache and the physical pain soon turned into an emotional one when I saw that the guy I’m currently infatuated with hasn’t sent a text message. I knew then I was off to a rocky start. But first, of course, something has to be done with the toothache. My plan was to have the tooth extracted. I wanted it out of my fucking life. Ganun lang naman dib a? If something is causing us pain then we should simply take it out. But the dentist, after seeing how swollen my gums were, said: Nope, no can do. Apparently I have to live with it until the swelling subsides.  On the …

After the storm

Sounds like a Haruki Murakami novel, no? The title I mean, parang After the Quake lang, only I haven’t read that book and the storm in this case has been, well, less catastrophic compared to Yolanda and Milenyo, which is good. I have just finished Baby Cakes though, Armistead Maupin’s continuing saga of the residents of Barbary Lane. I remember liking Tales of the City and so I signed up for this one as well. It’s actually light and a little bit predictable, perfect for those long rides to Ortigas and back. Last night, I was on a bus trying to read its last few pages. Traffic was surprisingly breezy despite the incoming storm. I was feeling shitty and defeated because we had to wait for our salary to be released until 6pm and because, well, I’m currently into this guy who’s being ambivalent about my not-so-subtle declarations of love. To be honest, it’s more of the latter rather than the former. And so I felt like a big loser. I am 36 years old, barely making ends meet, I haven’t done…

the cock song

Kalokohan at kalandian on a cold, lonely Wednesday night (haha!).

The thought of a seven-inch cock is making me very, very lonely Because honey, oh dear! I haven’t been getting laid lately! But I haven’t forgotten, mind you girls How I used to make guys’ toes curl Oh what a sight to behold When those little turnips go hard to hold The bulb-like head that gets almost red when they cum And how quickly it deflates when they’re done Blame it on the weather, I guess Your ate has just been awfully depressed And honestly all this talk of cock is making me gag Is this what we’re supposed to do because we’re a fag? Really honey, I’d rather be a hag And yes, I confess a certain boy is making me feel like a rag Hay, who am I fooling? When it is the man and not the cock that I am missing The hell with fucking! Once I’ve tasted the sweet cum of loving Tragically, he becomes my everything!

Mrs. Parker and her razor sharp wit

I don’t remember how or when I became aware of writer Dorothy Parker. I don’t even remember reading anything by her. I did, however, read something about the writer on Vanity Fair. Perhaps I discovered her back when I was reading about these literary groupings in the past (Beatniks, Angry Young Men, Bloomsbury Group, etc.). And of course I did try to watch Alan Parker’s Dorothy Parker and the Vicious Circle but Jennifer Jason Leigh was mumbling her lines and if one is portraying a woman famous for her wit we, the viewers, should understand what she’s saying, tama ba? I came across this interview with Dorothy Parker today on Paris Review and I thought it was funny, entertaining and the woman makes so much sense. She’s such a character that she jumps right off the page (or screen or whatever). And yes, if this interview is any proof, her wit remained razor sharp even after she had left the Algonquin Round Table.
On being expelled from convent school: “But as for helping me in the outsid…