Time to take out the corduroys and the flannel shirts and Doc Marten boots


I just had a long day. Well, not naman that long but I had to wake up early to go the office. The vehicles were stuck somewhere in Edsa and I had to haul myself up to the MRT station just so I could arrive in Ortigas before the boss does. Mrt in the morning. Oh god, I just can’t deal with it. I just can’t. And I’m sure neither can you. But damn it, we live in a country where there’s too much inefficiency and corruption and utter stupidity that our brains had already turned into mush no? At the office I spent the whole day struggling to piece together words to create a cumulative effect. Sometimes when I stare at my own words long enough I start to see abstract shapes that would probably only make sense if something is unlocked in the brain. I actually like what I’m doing. Earlier during a yosi break I started thinking of going back to print full time. It didn’t help that I was thinking of this someone and his face kept ping-ponging inside my head, making me eat my cuticles. As the afternoon wore on, however, my TV work began to intrude. I had a scheduled afternoon meeting in Timog only I couldn’t be there because I had no energy to go up to the boss and tell her that I’d be leaving early. Finally I did get to Timog way after the meeting’s done and was able to talk to my other boss about the episode. It’s basically same old same old. Nothing exciting there. Maybe when I sit down to write the script there’ll be some excitement. But not now. Now, I’m just tired and a little bit lost. I’m neither here or there. So as I download the season finale of Game of Thrones I found myself listening to Chemical Romance which eventually led me to Pearl Jam and REM. Suddenly I wanted to go out. I wanted to listen to a rock band and drink. Just relax. At first I thought it was probably because I was tired and that I desperately needed to unwind. But soon I realized it was because I was angry. I was angry because the day had been long and all these hassles were making me very lonely. Someone called also, inviting me for something that I no longer do. I don’t do anything these days and so far I’m happy with my decision. I’m a bit saner, a bit healthier, and yes I could now sit in a cafe and not think that I should be doing something else. I’m calmer. But tonight though, tonight, I wanted to rock out. I wanted to get out of my system this tug and pull, this inis at life that’s silently eating me. I wanted to release something, burn this negative emotion, turn it into sweat and tears and bask in diluted happiness and let everything pass just so I could sleep soundly tonight and start all over again tomorrow. June 16, 2014







  

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