instant coffee

Because I ran out of coffee beans and payday is still three days away, I had no choice but to drink instant. I took a sip and immediately what popped into my mind was how my instant coffee pales in comparison to the real one. Lame, I think, was the exact word na naisip ko.

Then I suddenly remembered my college years when I still couldn’t afford to buy brewed coffee. I remember Jever teaching me how to create a frothy mix by combining instant coffee and milk and stirring it constantly for about five minutes. Those were, well, not necessarily simpler times, but my general disposition then was hopeful at least. "Today" newspaper in the morning, MTV before my afternoon class, "X-Files" in the evening. In my mind I was going to be Michael Stipe’s husband for pete’s sake.

When I remembered Jever and the coffee and those mornings in the late 90s, a surge of calmness momentarily came over me. Is that how it is? We arrive at a certain point and then we turn back to trace our steps to the time when we were innocent? Na kulang na lang ba we crawl back to our mother’s womb?

Tabula rasa, as my boyfriend Jacob would say.

- sometime last year


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