Showing posts from February, 2012


Sometimes when I’m listening to good music, a damn good rock tune from a fucking good band for example, I feel as if I’m finally living. It makes me want to drink up everything, ever little piece of life that surrounds me. I smoke up. I inhale a lungful. I relish every bit of danger that surges through my veins. My chest rises up. My arms and my legs tremble with excitement. I look at the stars. I look at the city with its pinpoint lights scattered across the black night winking at me. I look at the speeding cars. I look at everything and for once I feel as if everything is possible, as if life is finally within reach. No, not just some shitty uneventful life but good life, a life worth remembering. A life, as Frodo’s Sam once mused, worth turning into poems of epic proportions. And I feel as if everything is shooting up, about to explode, like a thousand orgasms simultaneously going off, fucking my brains out. But as I reach the zenith, as I get there, seconds before the big pay-off,…

si marlon brando, si batman at ang aking sabado

Marlon Brando as Stanley Kowalski

Saturday. It’s pretty quiet here at the apartment. I wish I was somewhere else. Drunk. But not in a bar. In a beach maybe. Drunk while the dogs are lying on the sand. That sounds great. But right now I’m just drunk at the apartment. I really needed to drink tonight. Since last week, I’ve been extra crazy. It’s not the money. Or the boyfriend. Or my job. I don’t know. When my friend and I sat down for dinner last night, the first thing that came out of his mouth was: “I have so many issues.” He was smiling at least. Then an SP ambled over and talked to him about, well, more issues. Maybe it’s the age no?

My boyfriend and I were watching “Streetcar Named Desire” last night (or was it two nights ago, I don’t remember). Marlon Brando was a sight to behold. I think my shorts fell to the floor when he came out screaming: “Stellaaaaa! Stellaaaaaa.” I thought he was unbelievably attractive. Such animal magnetism no? I saw the local production of the play a few…

talking movies

I’ve been watching movies almost every day since the year began. The first one was on January 1st, Gregg Araki’s Ka-Boom. Not bad but I like his irony-free and downright shocking “Mysterious Skin” more. I thought the juxtaposition of UFO encounters and encounters with sexual predators was simply brilliant. Equally shocking but relatively quieter was LeeChan-Dong’s Poetry, about an old South Korean lady who struggles to write poetry while trying to elude the harsh realities of her life.

Love, love, love Liza!

Then there were the musicales ---Bob Fosses’ All That Jazz, which I thought was self-indulgent and which pales in comparison with his earlier work, Cabaret. Liza was simply brilliant in Cabaret. Almost tittering in most parts but mesmerizing in all of her production numbers. I also saw a bit of Funny Girl and The Way We Were and I realized that the visuals of Sex and the City were practically culled from the classic romantic movie. And that Lola Barang practically made a career out…

sometime in the last decade

“I’ve been looking forward to that party all week,” he said, bemoaning the fact that the event might be cancelled. Deep inside me something instantly ached. But I’m always looking forward to seeing you, I thought. I don’t have anything else to be excited about apart from spending time with him to be honest.

I just turned my gaze to the balcony and watched the clouds roll by. Silently, they fold and unfolded, smoothly gliding from one end of the horizon to the other. Rain is eminent.

“What are you thinking about,” he asked me.

“The theory of relativity,” I said.

“Ginagago mo naman ako eh.”

Was it Tony Perez who said that the hardest things to talk about are the ones that are closest to our hearts? Or was it Stephen King? I don’t remember. Lately my brain seems like a puzzle with various pieces missing. Or is it because I’ve been coursing everything through my heart, which is already filled with holes? I’m not making any sense, am I? I feel weird today. It’s as if my head wasn’t screwed …

run beki run

I just finished a 42 kilometer marathon run. Punyeta, ang haba pala ng Skyway. And would you believe that’s just 10 kilometers long? We ran all the way from Festival Mall, detoured towards Pasay Road, went back again to Magallanes exit, ran towards Buendia (I think. At that point my mind was hazy from pain and frustration) and then went back to Festival Mall again. My knees were such in bad shape that I had to pause every now and then from walking. I could literally feel them vibrating. They were already sending hate messages to my brain. But as someone close to me would say: “Eh ginusto mo yan eh.” I should’ve just hired some neighbourhood thugs to hit my legs with a dos por dos. I would have arrived at the same result.

However, the 42kilometer run afforded me to do some thinking but mostly about why Kenyans always win at local marathon competitions (because the Pinoys are too busy taking pictures of themselves during the run). Basically, I spent half a day torturing myself. We start…