sometime last april


Yesterday was an absolute nightmare. Feeling ko na-Drag Me to Hell ako. After breaking up with my boyfriend, my laptop bogged down. Sumabay yata sa page-end ng aking relationship, kumukuha ng sariling moment. Punyeta. So I spent most of my day looking for a repair shop in Cubao and Greenhills and when I realized that my efforts were for naught, I decided to drink myself to death. Well, not exactly to death. I just needed to fast forward the day. I want to be blissfully asleep. I want to forget that I was, well, still breathing. If my life was an opera then this is the part where I sing my aria!

But then my phone rang. It was my boss. She needed the script I promised her earlier. Pronto. Owkay gow! So I went down to the internet shop (kasi nga sira ang netbook ko), did the script and went back to being a drunken drama queen.

Pero hindi rin ako naka-tulog kaagad so when 4:30 am arrived, I decided to take my depression to the empty streets and jog. I jogged away my resentment and the vodka cruising in my veins. And just as the bukangliwayway was coming, I listened to "The Way We Were" ni lola Barbra. bakla kung bakla diva?

Then i thought: how should i remember five years of happiness, disappointment, and anger? like barbra and robert lang ba, in a long shot while they were saying bye bye in the park like in the way we were? Or like kate and jim in a narrow hallway, taking another chance at love even though they knew it wouldn’t work like in the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind?

But then I realized that looking back at the relationship is like looking through a broken glass. Too early for a summary. Wala akong klarong makikita. Puro bubog at crack lang na malamang ay mangingintab kapag tinamaan ng araw. I will only end up looking at my heart breaking into a million pieces.

Comments

Blakrabit said…
you'll see your relationship for what it really is when you are free from its emotional grip and it takes a while.
bwisit! said…
isang malaking check! hahaha!

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