cold night no?

It was a cold night no? When I went down to buy breakfast at 5am, the streets were a bit foggy. I felt somewhat invigorated even though I was braving the empty streets alone. I’m not too fond of the December rain though. It reminds me of June, a time when my life was basically in shambles. In fact, everything that reminds me of my post-break-up experience immediately sends me into a funk --- the smell of cooking liver, the taste of a tepid gin, damp streets, ,warm empty afternoons, etc. It helps that I’m no longer in my old apartment. “Papatayin ka ng mga alaala,” sabi nga sa libro ni Chris Martinez. I have to admit though when I first moved in to my new apartment I thought the lack of space would drive me crazy. I remember having a quiet afternoon a few weeks ago. The afternoon sunlight flooded the entire apartment and all the light made the small space appear somewhat bigger and in many ways more cheerful. I paused for a bit and sat on the floor with the dogs. I thought it was a beautiful sight: sunlight poured from all the windows and created geometric shapes on the floor. The entire apartment appeared to be glowing. But of course we all know that beauty, as much as it rejuvenates us, also makes us melancholic no? And I did feel a bit melancholic that afternoon but mostly I felt nothing. I just sat on the floor, with my back against the wall, stroking my dogs’ fur over and over again and wondered if I should stay there and wait for evening to arrive.

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