last night in hell
had a tough night. ran out of gin, cigarettes and internet load. ran out of money and ran out of excuses to not look at my pathetic self. got to the point where i was muttering expletives at no one in particular. had a brilliant idea of videotaping my breakdown. in all fairness, i love my slim bod (bwahaha)but beyond that i was in terrible pain. got to the point where i was pacing around the empty but dirty apartment. i was even bothering my (new)boyfriend who is in iligan right now for a workshop. i keep telling myself to not need anyone. to not need a babysitter. to be completely logical and to be immune to the whims of my emotions. it didn't work. i was still drowning. last thing i remember i was lying on my mat, looking at nothing in particular, while Chichi and Marcel kept biting my legs. then i blacked out.