Showing posts from September, 2009

I want

* An immaculately white apartment with huge windows and high ceilings
* A bookshelf filled with my favorite books and some expensive art and photography books (pretensyoso to the max!)
* A plane ticket to Vietnam and Japan
* A kindle because Oprah says it’s the best thing in the world
* A turntable and a few Ella Fitzgerald records for those Sunday senti moments
* A nice kitchen with an actual table and a stove for my boyfriend to cook in
* Comfortable upholstered chairs to sit in
* An infinite supply of brewed coffee for the lazy weekday mornings
* A bathtub where I could read and stay in for hours
* Ample of time to do the things that I love most doing in this sordid world of ours (but then contentment and free time have always had an adverse effect on me)

mula rito ang litrato:


I stayed at my mom’s house last night. I immediately re-acquainted myself to living in a place where there’s always food in the ref. There was also cable and internet connection, which I enjoyed with great abandon throughout the night. In the morning, while alternately watching Almost Famous, Juno and the Emmy Awards, I wondered why on earth I even thought of leaving this place. But then my mother asked me to take the garbage out, buy things at a nearby sari-sari store, mind the sinaing on the stove and chatted with me while the best actress in a comedy series was being announced…

kwentong wala lang

Eksena: Sa labas ng isang liblib na bahay, nakaupo ang isang matanda at isang binata nag-iinuman. Gin ang kanilang tinitira.

No matter what you do, how you do it, you'll going to have a disastrous night so I seriously suggest that even now as we speak that you kill yourself.


Things will go from bad to worse.

Murphy's Law?

No, it's much worse than that. Basta you're going to have a horrible night so I suggest that you kill yourself now.

Are you serious? You go kill yourself.

I'm afraid I'm very serious.

Sa sobrang sakit ng mararanasan ko mamaya mas maigi na lang na patayin ko ang sarili ko ngayon?

That is correct.

E kung pinatay ko ang sarili ko ngayon e di hindi na ako nakabawi. Komedyante ka talaga. Haven't you heard of the term gulong ng palad.

Don't be stupid. The wheel of fortune will never turn for you. Kaya eto ang kutsilyo. Consider this as my Christmas gift. Kung papatayin mo ang sarili mo ngayon you will save yourself a lot of pain and time. M…

the most perfect breakfast

Of course, I realized that it's not just scrambled eggs and fried rice. Even before one arrives at the table one should have had a restful sleep the night before, the kind where one wakes up with an invigorated body and a crystal clear head. However, for this to happen, the previous day should have been smooth and hassle-free. Any problems should have been resolved before the day ended and before one went to sleep. Some would probably prefer a good fuck in order to achieve the kind of deep slumber that one rarely experience these days. This, of course, entails a bit of work especially for those who are naturally unlucky when it comes to sex and love. In order to achieve the perfect breakfast where one shares the perfect meal while seated beside the perfect lover, one should have had --- years before leading to this perfect breakfast --- the ability to acquire perfectly healthy relationships. If, by any chance, one doesn't exactly desire to have someone to have breakfast with, …


Outside rain falls incessantly. From the door leading to our balcony, I could see the sky turn from gray to almost ash white as the weather shifts from a mild hypnotic drizzle to full-on rain. I sit inside raging. I've been angry for several days now. Angry and kind of sad. No reason whatsoever. I just do. Tiny inconveniences trigger a set of ugly violent thoughts. I try to keep positive but in my experience that has never helped me. I light a cigarette and think of things to do. Kahit ano wag lang trabaho. I'm in no mood to work right now. So I turn on my notebook and search for something to read. Then I remember a novel I downloaded a few months ago. You know how sometimes you have to be in a certain frame of mind to appreciate things like watching porn or a truly dark Ingmar Bergman film (not that I understand him because I certainly don't). Like how you have to be a little hot and bothered to truly appreciate a good blow job scene or a gang bang sequence or how you hav…