day of disappointments

Ricky Lee once said that writing is like carrying a child for months and months on end. You go around with this idea lugged inside your head, waiting and waiting for it to finally be born. I wrote an article today. It came out stillborn, forced out by a deadline. I emailed it at seven in the morning. I thought of giving it a once over but I already knew that it was crap so I didn’t bother. Maybe later today after I finally have some rest. But it’s nine already and I still haven’t gotten any sleep. So far I’ve received three messages on my phone, one from our guest later tonight and two from an editor of a SEO company. I was supposed to turn in five 400-word articles about coffee. I was only able to submit two and now she’s asking for the rest. For a second I thought of getting up and typing something, anything that would resemble an article. But then I received another message saying that she’ll just ask another writer to finish the assignment, disappointment dripping from every letter, word, punctuation she used. There goes my potential raket. Not that I’m crazy about it. Writing four-hundred word articles for more than just a hundred bucks will not solve my financial woes. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if today will be a day of disappointments. I hope it wouldn’t. I’m not emotionally nor psychologically prepared for it.

My boyfriend wakes up and sidles up to me. Our room is glowing red from the faded curtain that hangs above our window, creating a kinky atmosphere ripe for fucking. His day-old beard scratches the skin on my naked back. I make some room so he could bring his head up to my neck. The smell of his pungent scalp smothers me as he proceeds to bury his lips on my shoulders. The touch of our dry skin is oddly comforting and I feel like doing this all day. Maybe I could just stay at home, cuddle next to him and just think of crazy thoughts? But of course I couldn’t. Below tricycles pass by our building incessantly. It’s Monday and everybody’s up but somehow all I hear are muffled noises. Even the abrasive sounds of motors running reach our room in soft murmurs like a kitten’s purr. Sexy and hypnotizing. I wonder if I’m just going deaf but chances are it’s only in my head. After all, even the entire room looks like a faded sepia photograph when seen from my squinting, sleepy red eyes.


parang ang surreal na lang about sa post na ito, in a way.

this made me go back to slumber again.
Zai Zai said…
i love love love the way you described the bedscene with the boyfriend. I can visualize being there. pervert pala ako no?
bwisit! said…
wantering, nakakaantok ba yung post hehehe. wish ko lang antokin din ako ng madalas these days...

zai, pag di nakakatulog ng ilang araw parang lahat nang-se-seduce hahaha!
Zai Zai said…
hehe ako anytime, parang lahat nang se-seduce. hehe
bwisit! said…

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