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Showing posts from June, 2009

day of disappointments

Ricky Lee once said that writing is like carrying a child for months and months on end. You go around with this idea lugged inside your head, waiting and waiting for it to finally be born. I wrote an article today. It came out stillborn, forced out by a deadline. I emailed it at seven in the morning. I thought of giving it a once over but I already knew that it was crap so I didn’t bother. Maybe later today after I finally have some rest. But it’s nine already and I still haven’t gotten any sleep. So far I’ve received three messages on my phone, one from our guest later tonight and two from an editor of a SEO company. I was supposed to turn in five 400-word articles about coffee. I was only able to submit two and now she’s asking for the rest. For a second I thought of getting up and typing something, anything that would resemble an article. But then I received another message saying that she’ll just ask another writer to finish the assignment, disappointment dripping from every lette…

there's a party going on in my head and i'm not even invited

it's seven in the morning. still couldn't sleep. i already drank one-fourth of the gin that was left two nights ago but still no go. i've already re-read hagedorn's gangster of love but sleep still remains elusive. i go out to pee and i hear the narrator's voice in my head. that's what happens when i get totally engrossed with what i'm reading. the characters just jump right out of the pages and leap into my head. i go to the bathroom and i hear Hagedorn narrating what i am doing. "He ran his fingers along his boyfriend's hairy legs as he got up and pee." "the light inside the bathroom makes everything cold and melancholic." this goes on and on, feeding on itself that even if i'm lying on the bed already brain dead it still wouldn't stop. the only time i get to make it shut up is to write it on paper. confronted with the imposing white sheet, it instantly disappears. it's like having a kidney problem. you feel like you ne…

yes or no direk?

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"directing a movie is a very overrated job. we all know it. you just have to say yes or no. what else do you do? nothing. 'maestro, should this be in red?' yes. green?'no. more extras? yes. 'more lipstick?' no. yes, no. yes, no. that's directing." - dame judy dench from rob marshall's new movie, nine


This made me think. What would happen if I were directing my first feature. "Direk, tita Hilda is asking if she should deliver her lines softly or should she inject a little more force into it? She's also asking if it's ok that we don't say the lines at all and just let her eyes do all the talking?"

"What's the scene again?"

"She's cooking rice while barking some instructions to her kid to buy toyo at patis."

"Hmmm..."

"What would it be, direk?"

"Wait..."

"Direk, the crew is waiting."

"Hmmm... yes?"

"Yes?"

"Hm... maybe no."

"No?"

"…