Showing posts from January, 2009


I was in a meeting. It was four in the afternoon and as I stare outside I start to wonder if I really did wake up that day. Everything is hazy, a little bit dream-like. Words roll off my tongue slowly and whenever someone talks to me it takes a full-minute before I start to understand what they are talking about. I step outside and I see props coming out of the Sis set. Two men were carrying a huge panel with green circles on them. The sun hits the green circles and briefly I was enveloped in a greenish hue. For a few seconds, I thought that I was in an aquarium and everything was moving sluggishly as if submerged in water. Then the green glass moves away and I find myself under a yellow light, its heat seeping into the pores of my skin. I light a cigarette and watch the thin smoke float and scatter above me. I keep telling myself to wake up, wake up, but it seems impossible. After all I wasn't in a dream but then again I was not exactly awake.

on automatic pilot

I smile and nod but all the info seem to be bouncing off, unable to penetrate the deep recesses of my consciousness. She says a strange word and briefly, very briefly my synapses flash and burn. I draw closer. What I asked her. What was the word again. She repeats it. What is it. Something to do with something, she explained. Oh. I sat back once again and sucked on my 14th cigarette. I reek of cigarette. I wonder how my lover is able to kiss me at night. She is telling me something about her life. I think of questions to ask but I can't seem to piece together some words to form a stupid sentence. In my mind I am looking at myself. Slouched on a seat made of bamboo. It has a rather coarse texture and I could feel my skin grazing the little fibers on the surface of the material. I think of tiny splinters being embedded on my arm. I wince a little. She is telling me something about her work. I see my face. A bit weathered. Pimples breaking all over my cheeks. My eyes are sunken. I l…

not exactly poetry

Sabi ko.

Ito lang ang tanging nasabi ko
habang siya'y papaalis
papuntang HongKong

Paano na lang ang kutsara
kung wala na tinidor

Paano na lang ang pulis
kung wala nang kotong

Paano na lang ang kumot
kung sira na ang aircon

Paano na lang payong
kapag wala na ang ulan

Paano na lang ang mikropono
kung lasing na ang combo

Paano na lang ang mga santo
kung wala na ang mga diboto

At higit sa lahat paano na lang ako
na walang ka laban labang
maiiwan dito.


I see her
as a lonesome
winking from up
while i
lie breathless
a million miles
skin as hot
as coal
as she burns
the midnight

written in the stars?

It's saturday, 3:10am, Jan. 17, 2009. I check what my horoscope says on I know I'm a bit of superstitious but zenaida can be dead-on sometimes. Just before i went online things weren't really crazy between the boyfriend and I and now she tells me this:

"Not everything is as it seems. And you know it.But if you find out matters are too complex to sort out at first glance -- get help. You are on the brink of a final break up with the person you've been with for the longest of time."

Iskayri. But then again she could also be talking about my twin brother since he's about to move out of the apartment.

Pelikulang Butas: butas na butas!

Almost a hundred men showed up in UP theater for the movie Butas. Almost a hundred. For Butas, a movie which I haven't heard of until Bam lured me to the premiere with the promise of a full-frontal. Since I am not the type who would pass an opportunity to see dangling dingdongs on screen, I readily said yes. I was free and the movie was free so who am I to say no. Plus, I like watching movies in UP theater. It makes me feel like I'm a true-blue cineaste despite the fact that I am most emphatically not. Before the screening began, a few trailers were screened. One was Padyak and the other Aurora. Padyak stars my crush of the moment: Baron Geisler. I saw him in the studio last week and boy he is cute. He looked a little flustered and I was a bit scared to even go near him. He looks like someone who will punch you in the nose just for the heck of it. But I like him anyway. He has that bad boy charm that most masochistic girls like me drool over. Before the screening started, the …

the underpants

I just finished reading Steve Martin's adaptation of Carl Sternheim's play, The Underpants. I love it! I could see why they have decided to restage this 1910 comedy. The play revolves around Louise's underpants, which accidentally dropped during a parade. This seemingly innocuous accident causes two ardent men to troop to Louise's house and confess their lust and admiration. Louise, a long-suffering wife of a stringent mid-level worker, is of course surprised with all the attention lavished upon her. Eventually, however, after all the hoopla had subsided, the wife is left hollow.

"My fame is gone," says Louise. "I was so desired."

"Yes," Cohen says.

"But over nothing. An accident. Everyone wanted to be near me. I was notorious. But they left as quickly as they came."

"You have real worth, Louise. But our eyes were drawn into the dirt."

What I love most about the play though is its dirty humor and double entendres. In one sc…