waiting to explode

i just had an exhausting week and yet deadlines are still chasing me. after i write this entry, i'm going to start on an article that has been due for over a month. then i still need to work on my assigned episodes to be presented later this morning and a script that's due this afternoon. i know this sounds so crazy but for some people i know this is just the appetizer.

earlier today i was a huge ball of anger. as in i was angry. i was broke (again) and i was trying to call the office to ask them if i could get my check (kasi nga broke ako!). at the same time, i was desperately trying to hook up with a pedia for the article. at the back of my mind, i was also angry with my boyfriend for staying unemployed for almost a year. yes, a year lola! i'm that patient. to top it all off, all the lines that i kept dialing were busy. arrrrghhhhhhh talaga! pramis! i was so pissed off that the moment that i entered our house i threw all my things on the floor. of course my boyfriend was shocked. i was ready to explode. then i lit up a cigarette one after the other.

it took me a while before i started to cool off. i dragged our week-old laundry out, went to my mother's house and washed our clothes. it was only while i was tossing each item into the machine when i started to get sane again. but i still feel as if i had swallowed a huge volcanic rock. my chest feels tight and i could feel zits popping out of my skin.

now, i've always been a pessimistic bore. i collect grudges. i wallow in pain. i sulk endlessly. a friend actually said that i'm one of the saddest persons she has ever met. that made me laugh because on the day that we met i was actually having a good time.


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