the list

I once made a list. It was the 30 stupid things I should do before I turn 30. It included such precious ideas as dancing uninhibitedly and getting nominated (for what? I have no idea.). However, my list never got to 30. After vowing to get drunk at every opportunity and going skinny dipping I was already repeating myself. Apparently, I am not as imaginative and exciting as I thought myself to be.

This was what occupied my mind as Rochelle and I made our way to Greenhills after watching “100”, Chris Martinez’s lovely movie about a dying woman’s to-do list. In the story, Mylene’s character picks out the songs for her wake and we were trying to do the same. Earlier, we have already discussed Rochelle's choices, which included Wonderful World and Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

“Ano na ang song mo?” she asked me.

I actually couldn’t think of any. I wanted it to be witty and cool, which only goes to show that even in the end I plan to be pretentious and annoying.

“How about ‘Time Goes By So Slowly…?”

“Ano yun? the one from Casablanca?"

“Time goes by so slowly, time goes by so slowly, I just don’t know what to do… Every little thing that you say or do, I’m hung up, I’m hanging up on you…”

“Korni!”

Then “Tears in Heaven” came on the radio.

“Ay lola, yan. I would love that to be played in my funeral!” she screamed.

“Yikes, ang baduy naman.”

“On second thought, aren’t I being presumptuous. I’m not even sure if I would go to heaven.”

I seriously couldn’t think of any song.

“How about something by REM?”

We both love REM.

“Alam ko na…”

“Ah this would be perfect for you, Shiny Happy People!”

Ha.ha.

“Hm… Maybe I should go with ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It,” I suggested.

“Now, you are being presumptuous! It’s definitely the end of your world but not ours noh!”

“It’s because a lot of people love me and they would, of course, be devastated that I have passed away!”

I seriously need to think of my song. The Fifth Symphony? Soundtrack to the English Patient? Miss Saigon’s overture?

After ordering our coffee, we decided to move on and talk about our own 100 things to do before we go tegi.

“I probably would go without the salon and massage,” Rochelle said. “I’ve already have had enough of it.”

“I think my list would be something like this: Sex in a bathtub, sex in a dark alley, sex under water, sex inside a car and so on and so forth…”

“How… predictable. I think I would go with flying in a hot air balloon.”

“But that’s like 10,000 pesoses!”

“Ay oo nga. I only have enough for my own funeral. Well at least ako I am financially ready to buy my own coffin and have myself cremated.”

“Ako nga, mamamatay na nga ako mamomroblema pa ako sa kabaong, sa lupa, sa libing, sa pagkain sa funeral, sa pari! Leche!”

“Boracay! I haven’t been to Boracay! I think I would go to Boracay if I knew I was going to die.”

“I think the first thing that I would do is to be happy just for the sake of being happy.”

“But you are incapable of happiness. In fact, you are incapable of anything!”

“I recently stumbled upon a beautiful word. Anhedonia, the inability to feel happiness.”

“What I actually love about the movie is that she is listing the things that would make her happy.”

“The movie is oddly life-affirming.”

“But of course, nagawa lang niya yung nasa listahan niya because she quit her day job and she had lots of money.”

“Which we can’t do because we have to earn a living.”

“Hay, life is unbelievable twisted.”

“Twisted and cruel.”

On my way home, I realized that I should go with my own list. I only thought of three.

1. as I have mentioned above: be ridiculously happy just for the sake of being happy.
2. be rude to people and say out loud what exactly is on my mind
3. stop saying “sorry” even if I don’t mean it.

I’m sure that after accomplishing these three, the cosmos will tell me that it’s my time to go. How fitting (and funny) would that be!?

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