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Showing posts from December, 2008

for now

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I am staring at my own picture. I know I'm such a narcissist. Ok, I admit, I think that I'm kind of cute (and those who disagree with me will just have to live with it , ok.). I just gained a few pounds and the past few days have been total bliss. I ate whole-heartedly, I drank, I shopped, and yes, I actually laughed. After an entire year of being broke, bruised, and demented, I finally was able to breathe. I went to see long-lost relatives and met with my old friends. When Kris (my pamangkin who is a few years older than me) invited me to go out, I didn't think twice. We haven't seen each other in 10 years. She is as beautiful as ever and she kept asking me if it was her fault that I turned out gay. I remember her being a fussy but fashionable little girl so of course she was a role model. "Come visit us one time so your apos could meet you," she said. O god, I'm already a lolo. But what cute kids she has!

I invited Jed to go out (hoy Joy masyado kang b…

dapat ba merry ang christmas dahil gay ka?

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Nang napansin ko na kinakarir ni boyfriend ang pagluluto ng noche buena na-guilty ako. After all, kaninang hapon pa kami sa bahay ng nanay ko nagpe-prepare. In fact, kami pa ang nag-grocery, este siya lang pala. Since I so hate groceries, I just parked myself in Burger King and hungrily consumed the free Wi-Fi while he obligingly shopped alone. Nakapag-order na kami ng chicken at nakapag-luto ng isang tofu dish for dinner. Ngayon naman ay sinisimulan na namin ang pasta dish at pomodoro. Slightly na-imbey nga ako dahil ilang carrots, onions at garlic ang tinadtad ko ng pinong-pino. Kitchen diva, definitely I am not. Dumating na ang kaibigan naming si Tonyo at napanood ko na halos lahat ng scandal (mula Dumaguete hanggang Visayas, mula Baste hanggang UST)sa kanyang selfon nasa kusina pa rin si boyfriend nagluluto. I thought it was unfair that it was just us who were slaving for our Noche Buena so I went to my brother (who arrived late by the way) and told him that since we've been s…

diwata

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Minsan may isang diwata na nawala at napadpad sa Manila. More specifically sa Malate. At dahil nanggaling siya sa kagubatan kung saan tahimik at maganda ang paligid, hindi siya makapaniwala sa kanyang mga nakita. Ang ingay ng mga disco beats. Ang daming mga tao sa lansangan. Ang dumi-dumi ng kalye pero tawanan ng tawanan lang ang mga ito. Walang pakialam. Kantahan ng kantahan. Sayawan ng sayawan na parang wala nang bukas. Sabado nga naman nuong gabing iyon.

"Goodness!" sigaw niya. "Ang saya saya!"

Kaya naman nagpasya siyang lumapag sa may harap ng Oh at maglakad papasok sa may Bed at paglabas niya malapit sa may Gilligans mega naka-change costume na siya. Remember yung eksena sa Supergirl kung saan lumipad sa isang malaking imburnal si Helen Slater at paglabas niya naka-coat at skirt na siya ala Working Girls ni Melanie Griffith? Ganun. At winner naman ang ang kanyang outfit. Parang dumaan muna siya sa atelier ni Joey Samson at nag-shopping sa G4 bago napadpad sa M…

rapunzel

Hindi man ako masyadong kagandahan pero panalo naman ang aking hair. Minana ko pa ito sa aking lolah na sing itim ng budhi ng death row inmates sa Muntinlupa ang kulay nang kanyang buhok. Gugo power yata ang gamit niya noh bearing none of the harsh chemicals sold by the multi-national companies sa Makati. No wonder, head over heels si loloh sa kanya. Ava, whirlwind romance yata ang story nila, mala-Senator Ferdinand Marcos at beauty queen Imelda Romualdez circa 1950s ang kanilang drama. Kaya eto ako, kamukha ni Borgy. Joke lang. Aimee Marcos naman.

Anyways, like I said, panalo ang aking hair. Sabi nga ng mga kaibigan kong bading, pang-commercial daw. Sabi ko naman, basta ako si Gretchen. Kaya naman nang sumali ako sa Miss Gay Universe, Winnie Monsod ang lolah mo at kinabog ever ko kahit pa si Ms. Ruffa Gutierrez na naging Miss Gay International sa Proj. 8 at Miss Gay World sa Tandang Sora. Naumshami nga lang ang aking first walk nang nag-appear si Papa sa dulo ng catwalk at May I sabu…

hello lover

the year is almost over and im happy that it is. im completely broke but i dont mind since i just bought something that i've always wanted to have. and i'm completely head over heels in love with it. from the moment i saw it, i was drawn to its sleek small case and lovely color. its my new lover. i am so in love with it that when my boyfriend and i sat down to have lunch, i reserved it a seat beside me.

"teka lang ha," i told him. "magi-spend muna ako ng quality time with my new boyfriend."

after which i ignored my lunch and happily surfed the net. oblivious of the fact that my boyfriend was probably bored and annoyed at my, well,annoying behavior.

"i deserve this," i told him. "i so deserve this." after all of the things that i went through this year, i needed this. but was it worth all the insanity that i experienced this year and is still experiencing? honestly, i dont care. i shouldnt care. i have been happy for the last 72 hours. i …

just like ishmael bernal's defunct bar, it's always november in my soul

ewan ko ba. kakatapos ko lang nang lahat ng mga deadlines ko. well, may mga pangilan-ngilan pa akong dapat gawin pero kung gusto kong magpakalunod sa alcohol pwedeng pwede ko nang gawin. pero bakit parang ayoko. bakit parang nadaganan pa rin ako ng isang napakalaking ten-wheeler truck. bakit nakikinig pa rin ako sa soundtrack ng avenue q. oo maganda siya pero leche bakit di ako maka-move on.

move on mario. move on.

flush the shit please!

i seem to be a repository of bad vibes. things just happen when i am around. it's either that ive been cursed (or i have cursed myself) or i'm just paranoid. maybe it's both. it makes my life somewhat dramatic (one flew over the cuckoo's nest, anyone?) but by god i can't live like this anymore. i really should push through with my list. if i can't be happy just for the sake of being happy then i'll just make anyone who makes me unhappy, unhappy.

cue devilish laughter.

nevermind

"The phone rang in the post-noon dusk, and i answered it, because i'd told them not to call me unless somebody famous died. Sure enough, two days into my vacation, someone had, and i knew him. In the rock world, which i chronicle, our friends and heroes are always dying, and we're always eulogizing. but at deadline time, i've learned, mere grief is never enough."

and so goes the opening line of never mind the pollocks. this book had me at page 1.

relasyon

sometimes early in the morning when i couldn't seem to doze off, i would watch him sleep. during those quiet moments i would even believe that despite everything that has happened we would still be together for the rest of our lives. lately, however, i have been having this sinful urge to just walk away...

black hole sun

i've realized that my depression is no longer just a phase. it's already a disease. but i'm doing my heroic best to crawl out of the black hole that i have found myself in.

the list

I once made a list. It was the 30 stupid things I should do before I turn 30. It included such precious ideas as dancing uninhibitedly and getting nominated (for what? I have no idea.). However, my list never got to 30. After vowing to get drunk at every opportunity and going skinny dipping I was already repeating myself. Apparently, I am not as imaginative and exciting as I thought myself to be.

This was what occupied my mind as Rochelle and I made our way to Greenhills after watching “100”, Chris Martinez’s lovely movie about a dying woman’s to-do list. In the story, Mylene’s character picks out the songs for her wake and we were trying to do the same. Earlier, we have already discussed Rochelle's choices, which included Wonderful World and Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

“Ano na ang song mo?” she asked me.

I actually couldn’t think of any. I wanted it to be witty and cool, which only goes to show that even in the end I plan to be pretentious and annoying.

“How about ‘Time Goes By …

waiting to explode

i just had an exhausting week and yet deadlines are still chasing me. after i write this entry, i'm going to start on an article that has been due for over a month. then i still need to work on my assigned episodes to be presented later this morning and a script that's due this afternoon. i know this sounds so crazy but for some people i know this is just the appetizer.

earlier today i was a huge ball of anger. as in i was angry. i was broke (again) and i was trying to call the office to ask them if i could get my check (kasi nga broke ako!). at the same time, i was desperately trying to hook up with a pedia for the article. at the back of my mind, i was also angry with my boyfriend for staying unemployed for almost a year. yes, a year lola! i'm that patient. to top it all off, all the lines that i kept dialing were busy. arrrrghhhhhhh talaga! pramis! i was so pissed off that the moment that i entered our house i threw all my things on the floor. of course my boyfriend was…