Showing posts from July, 2008


kanina naglalakad ako papuntang MRT nang may sumutsot sa akin.

"pssst! Huy! mama!"

actually okay lang na sunusutsutan ako. i think isa na yata ako sa may pinakamababang self-esteem sa pilipinas kaya kahit tawagin mo ako sa anong paraan o kaya deadmahin mo ako, keri lang. ni hindi nga alam ng ilang mga ka-trabaho ko ang totoo kong pangalan. minsan tinatawag nila akong marlon, mark, o mj. inisip ko nga, ano kaya maglagay na lang ako ng name tag. yung malaki. yung kitang kita. yung kulang na lang bumbilyang umiilaw ilaw. owel, deadma. di ko rin naman alam ang totoong pangalan nila. ang kinaiinisan ko lang sa punyetang aleng sunog na buhok sa kaka-tina ay tinawag akong... mama.


pwede bang 'boy' na lang. uminit tuloy ang ulo ko.

mainit na nga ang ulo ko to begin with. kanina bumisita ako sa bangko after two years. two year ineng. grabe. ang sarap ng feeling kahit barya lang ang ide-deposito ko. naka-smile pa ako nang pumasok sa bangko, tuloy tuloy kung saan yung mg…

why so serious?

I finally saw Dark Knight. I thought it was good but a little bit overrated. Yes, Heath Ledger's Joker was amusing and when he chanelled Tom Cruise in a pivotal scene I was immediately impressed. I just didn't buy the Joker's social experiments. Sino siya, si Tyra? I thought the object of the sinister experiments was to show the true nature of the Gothan people and, for the viewers, the Joker's pysche. The social experiments, like the one with the two boats, offered an interesting take-off but in the end it didnt really deliver. What have we learned from the experiment? That Gotham's citizens have a moral high ground? That Joker has poor judgment of people? It just doesnt do it for me.

What I like about the movie is that for the first time Christopher Nolan was able to inject a sense of real menace in a fantasy movie. One could feel the real danger of anarchists like the Joker. By throwing out style in favor of realism, Nolan was able to make Dark Knight exciting a…


Gusto kong maging senador, sabi ng isang bata. Ako din, sabi naman ni Chiz. Wala, wala kayo sa tito ko, banat naman ni tito joey. Itanim sa senado, sigaw naman ni Pichay pero yun nga lang pag bad ka, lagot ka, paninindak ni arroyo. magladlad na lang kaya? suggest ni danton. Uuuuy, si Tol! biro naman ng mga taga-team unity. Angara talaga ng buhay, hirit ni Angara kahit hindi naman.

wala lang. naalala ko lang. ilang taon na ba ang lumipas simula nuong huling eleksyon?

two years to gow to 2010!!!

im syur, na forget na ang mga political slogans na ito. since then, iba't iba na ag naging uso: i-witness Jun, ZTE, NFA, typhoon frank, suspicious lines, betamax!

cue: sandwich

solving life's indecipherable mysteries with a couple of godawful pop songs

after having a terrible, terrible day, i started to wonder. just how do you turn a bad day into a good one? i used to go out, get myself drunk and fuck myself to oblivion. but im, uh, sober now and i'm in a monogamous relationship. should i just lay on the bed and watch TV for the rest of the night? should i go online and write about it like i used to do when i was still keeping a journal.

hay naku. i feel like mariah carey during her pre-therapy days. (paki-cue nga: "I can make it through the raaaaaain! i can stand up once agaaaaain! on my own...)

teka, where was i? maybe i should stop being dramatic and just let it go, as bam advised me earlier. by the way, i just remembered. my friend was recently telling me about his problems with his boyfriend. all of my gay friends are almost always preoccupied with the state of their love life. either they are in a blissful relationship or in the pits of hell. most, however, are anxious as to whether they would even have a functional re…

are you talking to me?

I'm just two disasters away from having a major nervous breakdown. I feel as if all the filth that i've been keeping is now bubbling up, waiting to be spat out. i know i sound like that damned taxi driver from new york. good god, i never thought i would ever be able to empathize with a psychopath. i just hope i get out of my current funk with my sanity and humor in tact.


interestingly, my friend rochelle and i were exchanging text messages earlier. the guy she fancies in her class had just called her "ma'm". well, i told her, at least we know that he is respectful to the elders.

cue laugh track.

i've been feeling kinda old recently. i'm turning 30 in a few months and my hair is already receeding. crap. by the way, some of the things listed below are not true. i am a bit hopeful but my energies right now are more utilized for surviving. i think it's not age that, um, makes us old. but the stress, bad lucks and bad decisions, and fuckwits that surround us.

and oh, i dont feel like my age. if anything, i feel like a 10 year old who was set out in the bowels of quiapo alone and unprepared. but then i am turning 30 and i think it's about that i get out and survive in the urban jungle on my own.

good god, i'm really oooold

You Act Like You Are 28 Years Old

You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life.

You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up.

The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?

i need a drink

monday. client calls and tells us they gave us the wrong end tag. so instead of heading to makati to have our plug cleared by adboard, we went back to the editing room to make some minor revisions.

while waiting for weng, i invited my former boyfriend for coffee. i sat there feeling a little guilty but it was totally innocuous. no hanky-panky. didnt do anything that day actually but somehow i was wiped out.

tuesday. went to the ad board office to submit our ad. turns out i have to go to another building. spent more money on cabs. i was a little anxious because i had a taping that night.

on my way to the studio, while scrunched inside the belly of a crowded mrt, our researcher informed me that one of our guests might not make it that night.

8pm. i had revised the script for the third time. then the guest in question finally told us that she would not make it. great. real professional, dearie.

11pm. for some reason, ive no idea what will happen in my episode. the ep tells me to do some …

it's two in the morning and i'm reading my own blog, which is kind of sad because it's not only narcissistic but unproductive as well

jan. 10, 2007 / 10pm / xavierville

I have a new boyfriend. The relationship is just a week old but i’m so intense that i ask him to sleep over in my new apartment almost every night. yes, i have a new boyfriend and a new apartment just as the new year kicked in. fortunately, he lives just a few blocks from where i live.

we met through an internet gay site. we’ve been exchanging text messages since august but we were only able to go out a few days before the 31st. contrary to what he kept on telling me, i am quite sure that i was the first one to ask him out. during that time i was getting frustrated with the guy i was dating and i wanted to keep my options open. “I’m dating someone right now,” my current boyfriend said through a text message, immediately blowing me off.

a few months after that, we saw each other in malate. manila has just experienced a particularly disastrous typhoon and half of malate was in darkness. i was with my officemates and he was with his boyfriend. i saw him fr…

life on the Z-list

i woke up and saw that the line-up for my episode has been changed. I got up, lit a cig and went to the internet cafe down stairs to research on the new suject. then i went up to the room again, took a bath, and got dressed for the afternoon prod meeting. While on the bus, i sent a text message to my boss. cut to a few minutes later, i am in the office, receiving the new sequence from her.

During the meeting, the show's ratings were discussed. i dont know why but people dont seem to be interested in anything that i do. i've had the crappiest ratings even when i was still in bulaga. when my turn came, almost half of the people in the room were gone. good thing because standing in front of people makes me nervous. ive the worst stage fright in the history of humanity. i can only talk to three people at the most. i actually think that i have a mild austism.

i went home slightly tired. but its a saturday and the dormant alcoholic in me is urging me to go out. i dont listen to it a…

spot the cutie

Tic-tic-tic-tic-tic-tic… time goes by so slowly…

Mariana is bored. So bored he is eating his cuticles and thinking of playing his favorite game whenever he is bored. In fact, he is already playing it now. He has created an imaginary line from where he is sitting. His task is to count every cute boy / man who will pass through this imaginary line. So far, he hasn’t spotted anyone whom he would like to sleep with.

Sikyu… Sikyu… manager… high school… high school… jologs!

Pootah! Sa anong mall ba ako napadpad bakit ang papanget ang mga utaw ditoh!

Yuppy… Yuppy… Karpentero… bakla… bakla… BAKLA! Bakit ang daming bakla? Nakakalokah! Bakla anywhere and everywhere! Pride March ba ngayon, mga sis? Ang layo ninyo sa Malate huh?

Kinder… Father… Kuya… Teka, parang pwede si Kuya… Makilatis nga… Pwede… Hmmm… ilang taon na kaya ito? 16? 17? Direk ____ ikaw bayan? Ano ba Mariana, baka ma-bantay bata ka sige?

Ay eto, parang keri ang paparating… Mukhang matangkad. Matangkad nga! Gym fit, why not? At kalbo…