NOTE: This is an old post. After reading this, I suddenly miss Joy and our adventures in Malate. Where on earth is that girl? O well, now that i have finally resigned from my menacing job, maybe I could hang out more often with my friends. The question is: do i still have friends? O well...

july 9, 2006
sunday / somewhere in project 6


i was a bit tired, i needed to poo and i hated what i
was wearing. it was not a nice way to start a saturday
night in malate but what the hell i was depressed.
normally when im about to go out energy would
literally pop out of my skin. i would sit in a taxi
with my ass barely touching the seat in excitement.
but that night, despite the possibilities that awaited
us, i was actually sedated. at the start of the night
i was one big scar but only when i was able to type
something on the PC that the anger subsided. i
remember telling an officemate a few years ago, back
when i was writing on my journal almost every day that
writing kept me sane. suffice to say that my short
trip to the internet shop was therapeutic. after
typing 300 words about my sordid life i was whole

so off to malate i went. when i finally hooked up with
my friend (itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang ligaya
paraiso HAHAHA!)i dragged her to the bar formerly known
as penguin. its basically still the same: there are
still dreadful paintings hung on the wall, the penguin
shaped stools are still there, and it is still
littered with its former patrons. i invited my friend
there because when i was looking for a place where we
could meet i saw that there was a ska band. the band
seemed nice but the place was too noisy. i havent seen
my friend for months so we needed to chimis. after a
few minutes of searching we ended up in indio bravo, a
reggae bar that serves beers at P60. the price was a
bit steep but the area downstairs was perfect for
talking and ogling at the passersby (which were mostly
gay by the way). by this time, my friend has already
told me about her current object of distraction:
a member of a fairly famous pop band in the 90s.
the sex is great,she says, and the guy has a
huge tool but there is no chemistry. of course the
mere mention of a huge dick got me really interested.
but when she started telling me that she recently
hung out with a model/TV host, i was hooked. she met
him when they were casting for a TVC.

"His name is actually a combination of Jesus and
Buddah and hes a wide reader!" she gushed.

i was of course green with envy. "Alam mo ba, i've
been charting his career ever since he appeared in
that cola commercial!" i said. i even watch his show
even if its 6 in the morning.

"Ang ganda ng kanyang chest!" she said.

"Ang haba nang kanyang limbs!" i said

"Ang cute nang kanyang anit!"

"Kaya lang he's a lousy host."

"Ok lang, di naman ako showbiz. Care ko kung kaya niyang
makipagsabayan kay Kuya Germs."

"Kung sabagay hindi naman kayo magiinterviewhan.
i think he's a lousy host because he reads too much.
Na-observe ko na yan. Yung mga bohemian type di
pwedeng pang-noontime."

"Pang-bed time lang hahahaha!"

"Sana dun na ako nagtatrabaho."

"As if naman papansinin ka niya."

"Who knows?"

"Do you know that he's into boxing?"

"I know. Makapag-enroll na nga sa elorde."

"Hay, Hottah! Hottah! indeed."

"Pano kaya no, sa sobrang obsession mo sa isang lalaki,
gumaling ka sa boxing. tapos kasing galing mo na
si pacquiao pero whiz mo pa rin na-bag ang hombre.
tapos kaya mo nang umbagin si morales."

"Tapos kakanta ka nang: Ekstrem! Ekstrem! Magic Sing!"

"Why not?"

"Chaka Belles ka pero parang baha sa navotas ang
pasok ng datung ever."

"Ay, ayoko, mas pipiliin ko pa ring maging beauty!"

"Ay, magpaka-choosy ba? beauty ka ba?"


"but what?"

but (there is always a but, isnt it?), hes leaving for
paris at the end of the month to visit his girlfriend.

"Hay, juddha, paris and me. what a nice thought."

"Siguro nagi-ilusyon lang ako na he is interested in
me," she said.

"Maybe i should write a gay film and have him as my
leading man."

"Lahat na lang gusto mo maging leading man."

"Malay ko ba kung madaming qualified!"

"Eh ikaw qualified ka ba sa kanila? You have been talking
about writing and making movies for the longest time and
all you have got so far are 3 minute VTRs that nobody
---- even your boss, even you ---- remember!"

"Ay ang cruel! Wag kang ganyan pinagpuyatan ko sila."

"Magpakaputah ba?"

"Putah na kung putah sa kailangan eh!"

"Hay naku, kung subsidized lang tayo ng NCCA tulad
ni _________ pwedeng pwede na tayo magpaka-art."

"Kahit crappy ang art!"

"Gano ka-crappy."

"Parang kay _______!"

"Over! Wag naman ganun!"

"Well, if i had a grant i would fly to paris, be
with juddha, and live the parisian life."

Suddenly, a streetkid interrups our conversation.
She's asking me for a change. this will happen to me
a couple of times in the course of the evening. i fancied
that the kids were angels able to see the purity of my
heart (mga ganung eklavu!) but most probably they saw
an adult they can bully around.

"Do i really look that depressed?" i asked my friend.

"Siguro dahil naka-black ka?"

"Wow, may connection?"

"La lang, ang O.A. kasi nang tanong eh."

Another kid ambles over to our table and extends her
filthy hand. i looked at her, eyes bleary from
alcohol and lack of sleep, and said that i have
no spare change to give. If i were the kid,
i would have replied: "Ano yan, puro five
hundred one thousand ang pera mo? Sosyal, eh
from what i can see you can't even afford
a decent facial!" (ching!)

but this kid, bless her poor young heart, just
smiled at me and gave me a hug. A hug!
If this were an episode of Touched by An Angel
i would have dropped the cigarette on my left
hand, threw the beer bottle on my right,
resigned from my menacing job and entered
the nunnery. Unfortunately the TV shows that
i watch run more closely to The Man Show
and Bubble Gang than to 7th Heaven so i just
turned to my friend and shrugged.

"Lufet!" i told her.

"Mama, maybe you are a saint!"

"Dont tell me that. being the virgin mary was actually
one of my fantasies when i was a kid. trip kong
magsuklob nang kumot sa ulo at maglakad na parang naka-

"the dazed, im so overwhelmed by his power look."

"yung tipong kumakanta nang "I... dont know how
to looooove you!"

"Oo nga naman. Should we love him as a person?
as a father? as a mother? as a son? as a lover?
as a dog?"

"Ay, sacreligious! Kapag kinidlatan ka di ako
kasama dyan! Nasa malate pa man din tayo."

"Hay naku, matagal nang sinumpa ang Malate.
Look at them!"

"Ay, ang cruel!"

then it began to drizzle and we decided to move on.
we paid for our drinks and decided to go back to
penguin. little did we know that the more interesting
part of the evening (or is it morning) has yet to unfold.


so there we were, slightly drunk and a bit drenched but
we still we had no plans of going home. it must have been
around 4 in the morning but we lost track of time the
moment we started making chimis. it could have been 11
in the evening for all we care. we were heading
towards baywalk (unknowingly,i must add. the last thing
we needed that night was to be drenched in manila bay's
stinky waters)when my friend hit upon the idea of heading
back to penguin.

the ska band was already gone when we got back to the bar
but some of ligaya's friends were still there.
i told my friend to find us a spot (a rather easy
thing to do since the place was practically
empty by now) and headed straight to the john. when i
got back, she was with a well-known film lecturer and
film festival organizer.

"You should come to the Cinemalaya this week," he

"Mas magaganda ba this year as compared to last year?"
i asked, reverting back to my peryodista self when i
used to throw cliched questions like these.

He leaned back and said: "Ah, you should see it for

And i thought i was going to get some juicy chismis.

The film lecturer has been drinking before we even got
to malate and at that moment he looked like he needed
to go home. he called a waiter and asked for a pitcher
of cold water. when it arrived, my friend asked him:

"Kaya mo yang ubusin?"

"Watch me."

Then he proceeded to drink straight from the
container. We stare at him in amusement. Then he stood
up and went somewhere. When he came back to our table
he was with a friend.

"This is _______________. He's the son of a famous
artist in Bacolod. He's an artist too."

The artist slumped on the seat. he was a bit gruffy but
he had these nice tattoos on both of his muscled arms.
But no, i wasn't attracted to him, if that's what you
are thinking.

"So what do you do?" he asked us, slurring a bit.

"Siya artist din," I said.

"Ikaw, anong ginagawa mo? Film din ba kayo?"

"Ako nagsusulat," i said trying to be coy.


"Sa TV."

"Ano nga? San ka nagsusulat?"

"Sa ________."

Then he lets out a big laugh and raises his left hand.

"Panalo yan pare!" he told me.

I smiled. "Oo panalo yan."

He probably think i was just kidding.

"Pare, you can educate the people."

That made me think a little bit. Educate. Hmmm...

"Pare, pwede ninyong i-educate ang mga tao, may power

"Well..." Suddenly i remembered my boss telling me to
show these spycam footages of girls changing clothes.
Hmmm, indeed.

"Kaya nga magaling si Brocka eh. Kasi ineducate niya
yung mga tao."

So we were having that kind of conversation.

"Kaya nga mga anak tayo ni Brocka, di ba?"

"Di rin, ako, anak ako ni Bernal."

"Iba naman yun. Iba si Bernal, iba si Brocka."

"Im just keeeding, ok!"

Then he leaned forward, looked straight at me and said:
"Bading ka?"

Um, i havent had sex in a month but the last time i
checked, yes i still was.

"Wala akong pakialam kung bading ka, lesbiyana ka o
straight ka, ang importante, satisfied ka!" he said.

"Or, as Joey Albert would put it: 'Sa dinami-dami ng
aking nakasiping...' "

In fairness, sa isip isip ko, may point ang lolo
ninyo. (I forgot to mention, the artist is no longer
in his youth. probably if he was around 25 or even
younger, my friend and i would have declared him as
fair game. but he was already in his late 30s.
thunders na ang lolo ninyo.)

He sat back and took a swig. Then he took out a

"Ano yan?" i asked, hoping to score something from
him. "Meron ka ba dyang nakakapraning? Valium? E?
Acid? Coke? Pepsi? Sarsi meron ka?"

"Wala eh. eto try ninyo."

Ive seen that pill. it was white and small and it was
already divided into two. at first i was wary of
taking it. after all, i only had three hours of sleep,
i was tired and i was already a bit drunk. but when my
friend popped it into her mouth without any hesitation, i
followed suit and waited for something. I would
continue wait for that something for the rest of our
adventure-filled Sunday morning.

"Sarap maging tao," he said.

"Um hindi rin, mas gusto ko maging... (looking around
the place then finally resting my gaze on the
delicious tofu on the table)... ganyan! masarap,
kinakain, dinidilaan, nilulunok, inanamnam!"

"Niloloko ninyo yata ako eh."

"Hindi naman, lasing ka lang," my friend said.


"Wala, ask niya, are you single or already married?"

And here, as Conrado De Quiros might point out, is the
rub. he does have a wife and she was actually sitting
impatiently outside of the bar, waiting for her
asshole of a husband to go home.

"But i dont love her," he said. "I have four kids with
her but i dont love her."

For the first time since we started talking to this
artist, my friend sat up and asked, "Does she know?"

"Of course, she knows. Sinasabi ko pero ayaw niyang
makipaghiwalay eh. I actually have a girlfriend."

Wow. His asshole meter just reached the roof. Then the
wife passes by and he introduces us to her.

"This is my wife, she's the pamangkin of

Oh. Big Oh.

We should have stopped talking to him right there and
then. my friend and i were both in agreement that we
hate the husband but we pity the wife for being such a
doormat. but still, we stayed on. The trouble started
when my friend went to the CR and the asshole artist
followed her. then i saw the wife standing in the
corridor watching them. When they came back to the
table i could sense that something was already wrong.

"Ok lang yan," the artist told my friend.

"Anong ok lang yan?" i asked.

Then the wife went to our table and said straight to
my friend, her eyes filled with wrath:

"Have some respect girl!"

my friend, who was never the kind to cower from such
incident, said:

"Talk to your fucking husband."

Sa isip-isip ko, O say, with matching New York accent
pa yan. Then we hurriedly paid our bills. The artist
continued to apologize to my friend until we came out
of the bar.

"Yey!" i told my friend. "Mga home-wreckers tayo!"

"Mukha ba akong pokpok," my friend asked me seriously.

"Of course di noh. Disaster follows us because destiny
is cruel to people who are too beautiful!"

"Echos! O san tayo?"

"Pwede ba sa Rainbow?"

"Kaw lang mage-enjoy dun eh."

"Ay alam ko na, dun, dun, may nakita ako. mukhang
interesting sha!"

earlier i saw a bar just along orosa. below its blue
signage was a dark alley leading to the bar. Who in his perverted mind wouldnt be interested in dark, clammy crevices? So off we went to Fluid. the bar was actually ok: the walls were painted immaculately white, theres a barely clothed muscle man dancing on a ledge (thats always a plus) but what shocked me were the girls on the dance floor.

"Ladidah! Its a lesbian bar!"

"hahaha sexy nga eh," said my friend who was already
dancing towards the floor.

"I dont like the place but i like him!" i said,
pointing at the gyrating menchu.

"He's like a parrakeet inside a birdcage."

"Nah, i think its more like a maya."

"Should we call him?"


"Ang bird at ang mga T-Birds! Hows that for correlation!"

"I think i need to buy some cigarettes. Pag balik ko
dito at may nakapick up na sayo, magwa-walk out ako."

"E di mag-walk out kah!"

"Ay, so Crown and Joey!"

Off i went to the cigarette stand whereby i
eavesdropped on a pair of mars having an intimate conversation.

"Anong gagawin ko. Eh naglalandi siya," said one of the
mars. she was so heartbroken that i could hear her heart
breaking even with the deafening disco music.

When i came back, my friend was just finishing her

"Hay, por dyos por santo iha, this is so not my
crowd!Tara na! Let's go somewhere over the Rainbow!"

"Dorothy ikaw ba yan? Where's your red shoes?"

"Hello! I'm not a walking cliche! And why does my shoes
have to be red? Why not mauve?"

"Hello yourself! Gagah, di ba Dorothy had these magical
red shoes!"

"Arent you talking about something else. Kasi the OZ that
i remember seeing was in black and white."

"My gosh, you are so ancient! Havent you heard of
technicolor. Teka baka naman Oz sa HBO yan."

"Hello yourself again, wala kaming cable!"



"Daut ever!"


"Purita Kalaw!"

"Purita chow!Hay naku Toto,stop yelping. Let's go."

And off we went to yet another bar, this time the one just across the street. it must have been already early morning because the normally crowded bar was now virtually empty. We headed straight to the second floor where there were still a couple of gay guys dancing along with their female friends. We parked beside the bar and ordered another
round of beer.My friend started dancing while i stayed
close to her pretending to dance. i was already tired
and drunk and when i saw my face on the mirror at the
far end of the room i looked like a ghost. Better yet,
i looked exactly like a zombie. there were dark cirlces below my eyes, my skin was oozing with so much oil that
i was literally glowing, and i was swaying like a
drunken fat uncle. it didnt help that when i looked around, these young gay men appeared as if they have just stepped out of the shower.

"And to think they have been drinking, smoking, flirting,
and petting probably since 10 last night."

"Hayaan mo na lolah, what you lack in appearance, you more
than made up with your intelligence and character."

"Ay, whiz ko type. honestly, id rather be a bimbo than an

"Whats an Orc?"

"So bimbo kah?"


"I feel so old!"

"I feel so sexy!"

"I'm so tired. My joints are killing me."

"Yes, your joints are killing you."

"Gagah!How can that be? Its herbal!"

"Hay naku, just dance!"

"I cant dance because i'm so insecure."

"You are insecure because you cant dance."

"Hay ang hirap nito. Iinom na lang ako."

"Plangak!Go kuyah."

"Dont call me kuya. Call me ateh! Ching!"

A few minutes after we arrived, the DJ turned on the
lights. When i looked outside, the sun was already rising. We then stumbled out of the bar and walked around Malate's
empty streets.

"Bakit pagkasama kita inuumaga parati tayo?" my friend
asked me.

"Because i'm fun to be with? Im not boring?"

"Di rin. Probably because you are always depressed."

"Kai-Rita Gomez! Ke-aga aga! Talk to yourself, gurl!"

"Ok so we are always both depressed. Bakit nga ba tayo

"Ako alam ko kung bakit, ewan ko ikaw?"

"Bakit nga ba?"

"Ay, mahirap yan. One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest ang
dramah.Pang Oscar best picture!"

"No, more like the Shining."

"Heeeeeere's Johnny. Chaka ever!"

"We go out because we are depressed but when we go home
we are depressed still."

"Bakit depressed ka pa ba?"

"Ewan koh."

"Baka yung downers lang yan ni Artist eklavu?"

"Di rin."

"Have some respect girl!"

"Talk to your freaking husband."

"Let's leave this shit."

"Let's leave this shitty place."

"It was a fun night though."

"In fairness, nakalimutan ko yung problema koh."

"Ako rin kaso parang bumabalik na sha."

"Ang bilis naman. Drama queen ka talaga."

"Ano, isa pang round."

"Dehins na pre, borlog na akitch."

"Pwede maki-crash."


"Wow, first time mo maguuwi nang babae."


"Yuk yourself.Im actually doing you a favor."

"At ako pa ngayon ang may favor?"

"Hay im tired of all this shit, uuwi na lang ako kung
ayaw mo."

"Speaking of shit, kagabi pa ako natatae. Tumawag ka na
nang taxi, dali!"

"Emergency na ba?"

"Kinda. Sorta."


"Yung gwapo yung driver ha."

"Choosy ka pa?"

"May i remind you that we live in far-flung QC."

"Kung maghihintay pa ako nang driver na pwedeng isali sa
Mossimo Bikini contest baka abutin na tayo nang susunod na

"Kung sabagay, pati sa Mossimo may panabla."

"Tayo panabla ba?"

"Whiz ko na carry sagutin ang mga chorvaness eklavu mo. Next episode na lang please, sleeping beauty na ang lolah mo."

"O sha, kahit sino na lang. Just say the magic word."


Then a cab stopped before us. though the driver looked
fairly human, it would probably take another millenium
before his genes could actually produce a mossimo bikini
contestant. Fortunately, when we started driving towards
QC i was already dead asleep.


Ate Sienna said…
very nora ephron with woody allen's dry wit ang bagsak ng mga dialogue!

gumawa ka na nga kasi ng libro! o pwede ring script. pero independent ha, para walang commercialism.
bwisit diaries said…
naku, thank you talaga lolah, you made my day again! hehehe!

sana sana talaga at pag may nauto na talaga akong producer, join kayong lahat hahahaha!

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