Showing posts from July, 2007


Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nauna: ang tamad na empleyado o ang mababang sweldo. O kung ako ba ay sadyang tamad na empleyado kaya may mababang sweldo o mababa ang aking sweldo kaya ako ay isang tamad na empleyado. It is, indeed, a conundrum. Pero masyado pa busy ang aking utak sa kaka-compute kung papaano ko pagkakasyahin ang aking pera sa bagbabayad ng renta, kurtyente, tubig, at cable. Nararamdaman ko na ang inis sa aking lalamunan. Mayamaya lalabas na ito ang magiging isang nakaririnding sigaw at mura. Pero nagpapaka-Zen ako ngayon. Maraming trabaho. Baka pa lalong sumakit ang aking ulo. Oh well, I guess my visits to my mother will be more frequent in the next couple of days. I always get by though. I always do.

movie fan

Dati nuong bago palang akong graduate, gusto kong maging director. Excuse me, I mean filmmaker pala. Nanood ako ng maraming pelikula. kahit hindi ko maintindihan go pa rin ako. ang hirap mag-decide nun kasi gusto ko rin maging writer. Gusto ko maging columnist. In fairness, those were exciting times. I watched. I read. I wrote. I actually used my brain. I thought I was the smartest and most original individual my university has ever produced. After all, when I stepped out of the university I knew who the beatnik were and I have read quite a few good books. siempre bihira yun sa mga graduates dati unless you are a student of literature or film.

anyway, gusto ko maging filmmaker so go ako sa mowelfund para mag-P.A. sa mga projects ni Nick Deocampo. I was a shitty P.A. so I wasn't given any responsibility. Inisip ko na lang na ako lang yung P.A. na nakakaintindi kay Truffaut at Godard at mahilig kay Paul Bowles. Naaalala ko, unang araw ko sa set nandun lang ako sa tabi, nagmamasid, …

dead air

it's 4am and i just downloaded Mozzie's cover of Edie Brickel's Good Times. The editor is dead asleep so here I am roaming in cyber space, searching for something to fill the dead air. Earlier I was in the zoo with a bunch of kids. I thought I was going to have a headache but the kids were surprisingly well behaved. I saw a tiger, a cheetah, an emaciated lion and a carnivorous salt water fish with a penchant for eating chicken legs (yes, bobo, they love adidas). I saw some crocodiles too, which made me think of lacoste and some people I know. I woke up early today. After having pleasant dreams I woke up beside the warm body of my lover. It was alarming because everything fell into place and I just knew it was going to be a bad, bad, bad work day. I kissed my boyfriend goodbye and headed to the office to write some guide questions. On my way to work, I sent a text message to the boyfriend saying how much I love him. To which he replied: For you Mario I would bleed. It was v…


it's six in the morning. I still have two VTRs to do and the editor is dead drunk. I'm such a saint. the pope should canonize me.

my soul on a sad sad thurday dawn

I'm having a rotten day. I look rotten and I feel rotten. Earlier today, I thought of the ambiguities of love as I wait for the train at 5:30 in the morning. I thought about Jackson Pollock and how his wife practically sacrificed her life for him and his art. I realized that I could never love someone as deeply as that. I made a mental note that I should warn the boyfriend about it, that if he ever plans to self-destruct he might as well tell me now so I could pack my bags and leave. This does not mean, however, that I don't love him. I do but I already have problems of my own, thank you very much.

Anyway why on earth am I writing about these things? I don't know. I told you I was having a weird week. I mean, all I wanted to write about was how I was thinking about all these stupid things while Pizzicato Five was blaring into my ears at five thirty in the morning. I just wanted to write about the incongruity of it all and how I shouldn't be bothered by it since my life…

because i have nothing better to do than to shoot him

His name is Rik. He is my boyfriend. We dated for four months before we decided to live together. Our relationship is not perfect. Of course. Sometimes when I am mad at him I hear Shirley Bassey singing in the background: 'I love him / I hate him / until the world stops turning.' But when I am in a good mood it is Bach that I hear. I think he is smarter than me. After all, he is into left-wing politics and I am just left handed (ha.ha.). Although I can say with utmost authority that I am more knowledgeable when it comes to movies. When we saw Godard's Band Apart, I had to explain to him what Nouvelle Vague meant to world cinema. We are not a party hungry couple. I stopped going out when I met him and he was never fond of drinking. We are pretty much domesticated. Our weekends are spent watching cable TV and doing the laundry. We are such quiet couple that yesterday while washing our clothes I actually took out Brothers Karamazov and started reading Fyodor Dostoevsky for t…