life as i knew then

when i saw ron the editor nod and fall asleep in the middle of editing, i went out and decided to blog. it's already four in the morning and to tell you the truth i don't know how to go about the plug. i got lost somewhere. it also didn't help that ron, who is usually a dependable editor, is completely burned out. lately he has been so out of it that editing with him has already become a chore. that or he is just in love. again. but that's not my business, isn't it? I, myself, is guilty of turning into an ass when in a relationship. I remember being irritable in the editing room because all I wanted to do is go home and be with the hubby.

So I go online and check my mails and read some blogs. I visited Pam Pastor's blog, which is linked with chuvaness '. in one of her entries, I saw the picture of that rock and roll dude that serves drinks in that place in new manila. I forgot his name but my friend Joy knows him. I remember going into that pub (it used to be big sky mind) and having a couple of drinks at five thirty in the morning. I think we were supposed to go to Malate but I got lost on my way to Joy's place. It was already five when I was able to pick her up. We eventually decided to just drink in QC since we figured that the sun would most probably be out by the time we reach Manila.

The pub is peopled with english speaking (spokening?) rocker types. It's a small place (it's as big as a two-story middle class apartment) and I had the impression that everybody knows everybody. I don't usually go there (I've only been to the place once when I interviewed an indie band for the paper) but Joy was a regular so I didn't feel that out of placed. We stumbled out of that pub at around 6:30 and that's only because they were closing up. I remember looking at that gaunt mestizo bartender and wondering if he is good in bed. He reminded me of those junkies i frequently saw in gritty, barely seen American movies. there is actually one movie that I saw where a bone-thin junkie banged a chick on top of a rotten, ravaged couch. In those days, lonely, pre-dawn shadows intrigued me. That was the time when I usually spend my mornings staring at the ceiling and waiting for the light to creep in. As we proceeded to another watering hole, I thought of the bartender, his raggedy couch, and the shadows that filled his small pub.

But that was almost a year ago, back when I was still 10 pounds heavier. I sort of miss those days, to tell you the truth, back when happiness meant going home dead drunk at 7 in the morning. I was so reckless then that I would spend time inside bath houses without even thinking of protecting myself. Of course, now i feel guilty just by drinking two bottles of beer. I've also stopped dating around and have finally settled with a guy that i love. Now my weekends are spent watching dvds and washing clothes. I can't say I'm happier but I must say that I am no longer as aimless as I was before.


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