Showing posts from June, 2007


I woke up with acute loneliness. I was lost and confused, angry and irritated, guilty and so beat I did not know how to begin looking at myself. For three years now I have been so depressed. I think this is a sign that I need to look for someone. I realized that no matter how you avoid having relationships it would find its way to you one way or another. Either it will force you to find someone or it would fall out of nowhere and present itself right at your doorstep. And I do not just mean romantic relationships.

My favorite characters are those that are Byronic. These are the characters that in the beginning seem to be heartless but beneath the heartlessness lay the ability to change, to possess compassion. I think these characters emphasize the fact that what keeps us alive is love. If not love for someone else then love for ourselves. I think when humans are devoid of love they will literally die, because the human body will find no reason to continue living. When all the needs and…


I haven't seen the boyfriend in two days. The last time I saw him was Wednesday morning when he tried to wake me up for work. We were to supposed to go out together since we were both headed towards the MRT but I was so sleepy I just told him to go without me. I remember my first night alone in the apartment. Everything smelled of him. The crumpled sheets, the pillows, the blankets, even the curtains. He has left a trace so vivid that I felt his presence even more than when he was there. It was probably because he was on my mind all the time. When I buried my face on my pillow it felt as if I was burying my face in his hair. When I went to take a bath, the towel that I used to dry myself smelled of his soap. It was as if the room became his accomplice. In his absence, the entire room became his proxy.

It has been two days now, however, and the room has changed a little. If he comes home now he will find my dirty clothes strewn carelessly on the bed. The sheets are crumpled and the …

blind date

(Note: I've already posted this in my previous blogs. I'm re-posting it here because I found out that my old posts in my other blog is slowing being deleted.)


“Punyeta!” sa isip isip ng bakla. Nilabas niya ang kanyang Eskinol at bulak at nagsimulang mag-clean ng fez sa gitna ng Adriatico. Kesihodang pagtawanan siya ng mga passersby basta feeling byuti siya pagnagkita sila ng kanyang date. Sino ba naman ang hindi maiimbay sa lecheng shukab driver na pinababa siya sa kahabaan ng
Taft avenue
dahil nagluluko ang makina niya. “Never mind the bullocks,” sabi niya sa sarili na parang mantra habang binabaybay ang kahabaan ng Padre Faura para lang marating ang Malate.

Dumiretso kaagad siya sa meeting place at nagsimulang i-compose ang sarili. “Hey cutie,” patawag niya sa waiter ng cafĂ©. “Isang cappuccino please.”

na amoy pa niya ang facial cleanser at medyo nahihilo pa siya pero keri lang, oiliness is next to ugliness nga naman. Nagsindi siya ng sigarilyo at nagsimulang magma…

gretchen smooches, ruffa loses (a marriage and a turkish mansion, that is)

i looked at my boyfriend who was still sleeping (or is he?), checked the things that i will be bringing today, put on my shoes and left the apartment. i was so hungry i could feel the gastric juices spurting inside my stomach (is that how it works? I don't know). when i arrived at the office, i ate a biscuit, which only made my stomach ache even more. then i realized i just needed to poo (ha.ha.). my entire afternoon was spent searching for a data on adoption on the net. apparently, there are more information about the icky gretchen and john estrada kissing session than domestic adoption. for example, i now know the brand of the cellphone from where the picture came from but i still have to find out how many were domestically adopted last year. after spending an hour or so searching for the info, i just gave up and opened my guys4men account. i mean, why stress myself when i could just call mother tomorrow to get the info from her. Mother works for an NGO.

I have nothing agains…

so what?

so i'm not having a spectacularly nice day? so what if i stayed up all night to write an article that is due this afternoon? so what if i still haven't had any sleep because i had to report to work early today to edit a plug? so what if i only had two hundred pesos this morning but i still decided to take a cab because i thought i was late for work? so what if the cab driver had no change and that i had to buy an overpriced C2 in a nearby sari-sari store just so i could pay him? so what if the tindera also had no change and had to go around the block to find some? so what if all the time that it took for me to get some change caused me an additional P15 on the cab fare? so what if i now had only P50 on my pocket and payday is still three days away? so what if my editor is still not here and its already 9:15? so what if i had to rush the plug to broadway since its scheduled to air today? so what if i would probably be sweating and shitting on my pants trying to make it on time?…

umaga na, mag-Q & A muna tayo

Age: 28
Gender: (Alpha) male
Astrological Sign: Scorpio
Zodiac Year: Horse
Occupation: writer
Location: Quezon city

About Me: i'm bored. broke. & anorexic.

interests: movies / books / drinking / making chika with my chica friends (ha.ha) / fooling around with the hubby

Favorite Movies: ... and the nominees are.. lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring / chicago / moral / happy together / broken marriage

Favorite Music: don't have. practically listens to whatever catchy song that comes up on the radio. may times na mosquito (ah killl yu!!!). may moments naman na someday ni nina. kung minsan si korina at ted failon pag-umaga. peborit yan ng mga taxi draybers eh.

Favorite Books: si jessica zafra ang aking role model. i've been reading her columns / books since high school. i was digging her even before i knew what exactly is good or bad (writing, that is)

authors who, for better or for worse, influenced my intellectual developemt:

* si jd salinger at ang kanyang mga charact…

life as i knew then

when i saw ron the editor nod and fall asleep in the middle of editing, i went out and decided to blog. it's already four in the morning and to tell you the truth i don't know how to go about the plug. i got lost somewhere. it also didn't help that ron, who is usually a dependable editor, is completely burned out. lately he has been so out of it that editing with him has already become a chore. that or he is just in love. again. but that's not my business, isn't it? I, myself, is guilty of turning into an ass when in a relationship. I remember being irritable in the editing room because all I wanted to do is go home and be with the hubby.

So I go online and check my mails and read some blogs. I visited Pam Pastor's blog, which is linked with chuvaness '. in one of her entries, I saw the picture of that rock and roll dude that serves drinks in that place in new manila. I forgot his name but my friend Joy knows him. I remember going into that pub (it used to …

si fincher, si herzog at akow

* I took out my trusty old tape recorder last sunday in preparation for the series of interviews i have to do this week. The poor machine is covered in thick dust. I tried to play one of my mini-cassette tapes but apparently the recorder has been set aside quite too long. It wouldn't work. I have interviewed countless of personalities with that tape recorder: from president's sons to love-struck couples, from socialites to star wannabes. Of course, I couldn't help but be sentimental. I stared at the machine in desperation and wondered if my writing skill is as rusty as my recorder. Will I still be able to put together a sensible, grammatically correct, and interesting piece?

* My boyfriend and I saw Zodiac over the weekend. I was a fan of david fincher. When I saw seven as a college student i was naturally impressed. The dark mood (rain-soaked city, shadowy crime scenes, and gothic scoring courtesy of Nine Inch Nails) spoke to me. it was like those classic 1940s film no…

freak out boy

I'm freaking out to tell you the truth. I'm broke and my head aches and I can't work and I can't think. I have interviews to set up, VTRs to edit, and did I tell you that I have bills to pay? Last Sunday, while doing our laundry, i asked myself, rather incredulously: Is this it? Am I forever doomed to a dreary existence? Is this all what life has to offer? A measly pay check every payday, bills to pay every month, and dreams forever unrealized? Anyway, I'm down mostly because I'm broke. If there is anything that I hate most, apart from being rejected by cute guys, having pimps este pimples break out across my oh-so-pretty face, and getting scolded by my superiors, its being dead broke.

the sorry state of my finances, however, did not prevent me from having a nice, relaxing weekend. I saw two movies, Zodiac, which i thought was good, and Fitzcarraldo, which i thought was brilliant. I was also able to read one book, Devil in a Blue dress. I know the book came o…

psycho cab driver

Last night, I had a frightening experience with a cab driver. As usual, since it was already late, Mj and I hailed a cab infront of the tape office. Our plan was that I was going to drop him off in Edsa on my way to the house in Bago Bantay. But since MJ lives in Makati, we would have to cross edsa, drop him off in the other side of the road, and just drive towards timog and then quezon avenue. it was always been like that. last night's driver, however, was a psycho-uber-stupid bitch and he wanted us to drop MJ in gateway and just make a right turn when we reach edsa. of course, we wouldnt hear of it. siya ba yung nagbabayad at binabayaran ba niya kami para sumakay sa kanya? hindi divah? despite his protests, we proceeded with our plan. the ugly monster, however, couldnt keep his mouth shut. the moment we left cubao, he started shouting at me.

"Kung kagaya ninyo lang yung mga pasehero, hindi ko na isasakay!" say ng punyetang patay gutom.

"E babayaran naman namin kay…